Where I am in the ‘plot’, a major storyline is Stephen Colbert’s SuperPAC – more specifically, its iteration as The Definitely Not Coordinating with Stephen Colbert SuperPAC.

Watching Stewart and Colbert, viewers are (/were) encouraged to understand that the SuperPAC has raised an astronomical sum of money.* The actual financial success of the SuperPAC is obviously not critical to the point about campaign finance and the need for reform. But I’ll admit that based on Stewart and Colbert’s behavior, I imagined that the amount was substantial.

So it was that when I happened to stumble across the actual sum involved, I was somewhat disappointed: the SuperPAC has raised just over $1m, and has only $800,000 in cash on hand (after spending $48,000 on finance consulting and $17,000 on Trevor Potter’s appearances on the show – most adorably here**). This doesn’t exactly qualify as investigate journalism: a quick search reveals that Colbert discussed his totals on the air February 2nd – but for me, that’s still the future.

This post is an attempt to bring that figure into some perspective. Yes, it’s a lot of money for a SuperPAC that exists only to parody the existence of SuperPACs and serves no real political objective (in the sense of trying to get somebody elected, e.g. ‘Newt Gingrich’s SuperPAC’). I also understand that Stewart and Colbert are acting for the sake of making a point, and certainly for the sake of comedy. But in the context of Colbert’s annual salary ($4m) – to say nothing of Stewart’s ($15m) – his excitement over the size of the SuperPAC comes off as somewhat patronizing.

I don’t mean to begrudge Colbert and Stewart their financial success. Personally, I think Comedy Central should offer them lifetime contracts (the current iterations are set to expire in June 2013!). But I would suggest that in an effort to make his SuperPAC adventures more realistic, Colbert should consider contributing a portion of his vast personal fortune ($45m) to himself – sorry, to the SuperPAC that is definitely not coordinating with him.

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*For instance, in the clip where Colbert signs over his SuperPAC, check out what Stewart asks at 3:22 (sorry it’s not Youtube and I can’t just make it start in the right place). And at the beginning of this clip - the The Daily Show‘s first after the SuperPAC transfer – check out Stewart’s tiara, and his description of ‘money, money, money’ – and here, where he describes the SuperPAC as ‘a staggering amount of money’.

**Really, it’s adorable. I want to adopt them.

Looks like Barack Obama’s not the only candidate from Kenya.

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Better than the fact that this photo was used in a Michigan ad that represented it as the Detroit auto show: it was taken from atop a helipad (basically the auto industry’s direct competition).

Steinberg-Dietrich to undergo $18.5-million makeover

Some students say the renovations are unnecessary

By HUIZHONG WU · February 21, 2012, 8:57 pm

Steinberg-Dietrich Hall is getting a makeover.

At last week’s Board of Trustees meetings, Penn approved an $18.5-million renovation of the building that once served as the primary home base for Wharton School students.

The project — which will kick off in May — will include the addition of 32 new faculty offices, two completely re-done classrooms with updated technology, a lawn area, a new West entrance with an open pavilion and a new glass tower.

Facilities and Real Estate Services estimates that the entire project will be completed by the end of 2013.

OK, you get the idea – but Penn clearly doesn’t. Renovating Steiny D? Did the DP’s joke issue come out early this year? A short list of what actually needs fixing:

Four dead in avalanches at Stevens and Snoqualmie passes

Three experienced skiers and a snowboarder were killed in separate avalanches around noon Sunday — one in an out-of-bounds area at the Stevens Pass ski resort and the other in or near an out-of-bounds area at Alpental near Snoqualmie Pass.

Stevens Pass ski area obviously got the memo:

Today, the Stevens Pass family mourns the loss of 3 extraordinary men– facebook.com/#!/photo.php?f…—
Stevens Pass (@StevensPass) February 20, 2012

But, uh, forgot to update the bio:

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*Why do all the awkward-related posts gotta be about Seattle?

PS NB:  PNW = Pacific Northwest

Former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been detained for questioning by French police investigating a prostitution ring.

Mr Strauss-Kahn, once a front-runner for the French presidency, could be held for 48 hours at a police station in Lille, northern France.

Investigators have already questioned a number of prostitutes who have admitted having sex with Mr Strauss-Kahn. He insists he did not know that the women were prostitutes.

“I challenge you to distinguish a naked prostitute from any other naked woman,” his lawyer Henri Leclerc has told French television.

“Your Honor, if I may draw your attention to Exhibit A…”

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Original title: Law school’s goin be whack, but I’m still waiting to hear back from one… [Update, 3:45: Not anymore!]

*, right?

That said, Microsoft’s not really in any position to protest a company trying to take advantage of vertical integration.

I see your dessert theme and raise you fruits

The Puget Sound Business Journal recently ran an article called The Windows Phone App-peal. It’s behind a paywall, and since I don’t imagine that more than one or two of you are subscribers, I’ll share a few of the items that caught my attention.

Before I begin, a short disclaimer: I am irrationally into Windows Phones. I know, the name has Windows in it – but next time you’re by an AT&T, etc. store, stop by and check one out: it’s a totally different experience from an iPhone or an Android. Using one of those is like using a smart phone; using a Windows Phone is like an experience. (If you’ve never really seen one in action, check out this short, overly-produced video to get a sense of how it looks.)

Here’s the kicker: I don’t even own one. I intend to, when my current contract is up, but in the meantime I feel a little like this guy.

And with that disclaimer out of the way, what I found of interest in the article was not particularly positive for the OS’s prospects:

With Apple now bragging about having 600,000 apps for its iPhone and iPad, and Google crowing over 400,000 Android Apps, poor Microsoft lags, with 50,000.

OK, so Windows Phones offer significantly fewer apps than its competitors. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle – the only way to get more apps is to get more users, and one thing that holds back some users is the OS’s lack of apps. This isn’t new, but I include it here as background for the following:

Windows Phones already offer 90 percent of the most popular titles available on Apple and Android phones, Microsoft says, and are adding roughly 300 apps and games daily.

More than 80,000 developers, the company says, are registered to create Windows Phone apps.

300 apps a day: sounds impressive.

80,000 developers registered: that’s more than there are apps – must mean more on the way!

Hold up.

One thing the first excerpt had – but this one lacks – is context. First of all, Microsoft is trying to close a gap with its competitors, so mentioning that it adds 300 apps/day without providing similar numbers for its competition is less than helpful. Second of all, it’s not entirely clear whether there is a strong relationship between the number of people signed on as developers and the number of apps they will ultimately develop. Consider that people signed up as Facebook developers just so they could be Timeline ‘early adopters’ (now, don’t they feel silly?). 80,000 developers does not mean 80,000 eventual apps (and even if it did, that’s still only 80,000).

In any event, possibly more important than the sheer volume of apps available: which apps are available. I don’t think anyone would choose an OS based on whether or not it offered I Am Rich. The article addresses this issue eventually, so let’s take a look at what it has to say:

Popular apps such as Netflix, Evernote and Yelp already are offered for Windows Phones. Not yet available are Skype and Pandora. Stay tuned. [Editor's note: nice pun.]

Wait, what? If Windows Phone does not succeed, and analysts decide to look back for where it jumped the shark, I’d offer this list as a strong candidate. Yelp, Netflix, Pandora – whatever. They’re other companies. If they haven’t developed a Windows Phone app yet, they’ll probably get to it later. Or not. Either way, not really all that big of a deal.

But Skype? Microsoft literally owns Skype – and an app is out for the competing operating systems – but it hasn’t gotten around to putting that app together for its own OS. Whoops.

Also curious:

You can buy [Angry Birds] from the Windows Phone app store for $2.99; it’s 99 cents on iPhones and free on Android.

OK, I imagine it’s free on Android because of ad support – at least I assume that’s how Android works.

But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why it’s $3 on Windows Phone and only $1 on iPhone. Granted, fewer people use Windows Phone – but shouldn’t supply and demand (or in this case demand) set an app’s price, and am I wrong in surmising that a higher price causes lower demand? Apparently, a 30% cut of every app sale for the Marketplace (i.e. Google, Apple, Microsoft) is the industry standard, so that’s not it. Someone who knows more about the economics of app distribution, please fill me in.

One last excerpt made me pause, think ‘That can’t be right’, go online, check the source, and allow my mind to be blown:

How far will Microsoft go to make Windows mobile a success? A hint may be in a recent Forbes story claiming that Microsoft is willing to pay Nokia what amounts to $230 per phone in order to gain market share against Apple and Android.

As mentioned above, the vicious cycle is vicious: Unless more people buy Windows Phones, Microsoft will have a hard time sustaining the app ecosystem important to attracting more customers. But paying Nokia $230/phone to run Windows mobile seems to me beyond absurd. It’s not exactly like Nokia was dealing from a position of strength:

NOK, 5y

I don’t really have a conclusion, but there you have it: Microsoft has what I think is a great product that’s stuck at 5% market share because reasons, and if you made it this far, you now know a little bit more about it. Yes, you might also have some more questions, but questions is generally a sign that you know more about something, not less. You’re welcome, I guess.

My, my. That certainly is a lovely piece of… art? – but why am I sharing it with you? Good question. We’ll get to that. But first, please excuse a brief digression:

For those who don’t know (for one, pay better attention! and for two), I live in Seattle. Or, as I explained in an introductory email* to my hall the summer before freshman year (we all did one):

I’m a sixth-generation Seattleite. For those among you who are New Yorkers, Seattle’s in Washington.

State.

Anecdote: Two students from New York took a bus down to DC for a weekend rally. A few weeks later, their teacher happened to show them Washington State on a map of the United States. One remarked on how just a three-hour bus ride had taken them clear across the US. The other replied, ‘The world is round! We went the other way.’

Makes sense:

While that anecdote is thankfully not first-hand, I’ve experienced the mixup on my own. My favorite involves a friend – I won’t use his name, but figuring out who it is won’t make you Nancy Drew – who earned himself an interview for a summer internship with Microsoft. Microsoft, you may know, is headquartered in Redmond, Washington, a suburb of Seattle. This friend – despite having once shared a room with me for a year (OK, nine months) – called up his friends who live in DC to tell them he’d be down for a visit. Having likely dealt with this before, they were able to point him in my direction.

What does this have to do with Tribute to the Concussed Skier (see above)? Well, this article, for one:

You see, for all the shit I’ve given people for confusing my state with Washington, DC, I made the very same mistake: until I saw the location (OLYMPIA, WASH – ), I assumed the ‘Washington gallery’ in question was in our nation’s capitol. Granted, contextual clues pointed toward that likelihood: ‘Washington gallery’ conjures up Smithsonian, or if you want to get technical (because Smithsonians, as I understand it, are Museums or Institutes), the National Gallery, or the Corcoran. But as a native Washingtonian, it’s not a mixup I’m proud of.

In any event, this incident underlined for me something I’ve been saying for years: if (/when) I have any degree of power, my first order of business (since the Sonics will already be back in Seattle by that time) will be to change the name of the state I call home.

Because, Washington? Seriously? First of all, the guy never bothered to show up for a visit. Granted, Peter Rainier never visited either (and fought for the crown – that is, against the colonies), and he got the mountain named after him – so changing that name might be second order of business. But Washington? We already had a Washington.

Want to hear the dumbest, most unbelievable story ever? Good. Keep reading:

One proposed name for the state to be created out of Washington Territory was ‘Columbia’. Yes, like the University, and like the District – but most importantly, like the river. It’s really not so crazy – there would have been an American Columbia to match the British Columbia (except without having to qualify our Columbia-ness, because this is America). Long story short, the idea was rejected. I’m not going to get hung up on the specific name; Columbia would have worked, and so would have a host of other names: Tacoma; Pacifica; Ecotopia; Puyallup; Skykomish; hell, Geoduck** would have been alright.

Here’s what I am going to get hung up on: try to imagine why Congress decided against Columbia and in favor of Washington. I’ll give you a moment to think about it before I tell.

Hope that was enough time. Here’s why Congress declined to name Washington ‘Columbia’: so people wouldn’t confuse the state with the District of Columbia.

Really? You didn’t want to confuse the state with the capitol city of our nation so you went with WASHINGTON? There’s a part of me that really hopes this story is made up. There’s a bigger part of me that really hopes it isn’t.

At the end of the day, it all could have been worse. The original name for Seattle? New York Alki***. Glad that one didn’t stick. Can you imagine anyone rooting for the New York Alki Seltzers? I propose saving any future names involving ‘New York’ for our colony on Mars (third order of business, assuming Newt Gingrich isn’t elected President).

As for Tribute to the Concussed Skier - if it wasn’t clear above – it was one of the two pieces stolen from the Washington gallery. I mention it specifically because of this excerpt from the article:

The thieves apparently broke a skylight on the roof and then shimmied down to the gallery below, taking off with two large artworks: a piece that is 50 inches in diameter and valued at $800, and a piece that is 56 inches by 40 inches and valued at $600, according to gallery owner Jo Gallaugher.

…

Gallaugher said she believes at least one of the pieces, which features skiing, was targeted.

“I have far more expensive pieces in the gallery,” she said told The Tribune. “The pieces they chose are the pieces that are most often admired by men in their 20s.”

Amateurs.

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*Possibly the most Mordechai email of all time. All time.

**Anyone from outside the state who can pronounce that correctly wins.

***Alki is a Chinook word meaning ‘by and by’ or ‘eventually’.