This obscenely tasteless post goes out to all you Arrested Development fans

[Editor’s note: Seriously, though, if you haven’t seen AD, you won’t get it, and you’ll probably just be offended. At least if you’ve seen the show, you’ll only just be offended.]

Over the weekend, I finished Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy, a book I’d never heard of, but which was apparently enough of a big deal that Barbara Streisand directed – and starred in – a movie based on it.

The book’s jacket quotes the opinion of a Houston Chronicle reviewer to the effect that “Reading Pat Conroy is like watching Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel,” which I guess could mean it’s either monumental, or it’s literally like watching paint dry.

The book was seven hundred pages long, so I guess the paint drying explanation is plausible, but I’m gonna go with monumental, for the simple reason that the following excerpt… well, just read along:

“Your analyst!” I said. “How many shrinks, analysts, therapists, and meatballs have you been to since you left South Carolina?”

I’d never come across that sequence of words (המבין יבין) in real life before. But it gets better! Prince of Tides also contained this [spoiler alert!] excerpt, along with the unfortunate occurrence it implies:

“The man raped Tom, Mama. He’s bleeding,” Luke said.

She laughed, but the laughter was out of place, lunatic, and said, “A man cannot be raped by another man, Luke.”

“Well, no one told it to that guy. I saw him doing something to Tom,” Luke said.

I’m not sure anyone has ever prefaced that portion of the book with ‘But it gets better!’ before.

Thank you, Tobias Funke.

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