Why Facebook can’t make any money

It’s been way too long since I last wrote about Facebook, which is a shame because it’s one of my most-popular topics. (To wit: My most frequently-viewed post of all time. All time.) So, for old time’s sake: Why is Facebook doing so poorly?

Easy: because ‘targeted’ advertising – what supposedly sets it apart from Google and others – is a sham.

Take this ‘randomly-selected’ ad:

Two options: One, Facebook gave up on targeted advertising, giving up a significant source of competitive advantage. Two, someone at Facebook thought something about this ad would appeal to me.

Let’s assume Facebook is serious about making money.

That leaves us with Option 2. So let’s examine the ad (roughly) line by line in an attempt to identify what exactly a straight Orthodox Jew was meant to find interesting about it.

Evangelical and Affirming.

You had me at ‘Evangelical’. Go on…

GLBT inclusive.

Sorry; not G, B, or T.

Worship band.

I don’t often mix services with instruments.

Biblical sermons.

There is no better way to put me to sleep.

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Did someone say ‘free’? NOW we’re on to something.

I take everything back. Facebook is genius.

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BONUS FEATURE: In which I gratuitously insult more people.

You really want to know why not?

Maybe because you needed help translating ‘lama lo’.

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