Something got you down, FOX News?

The #2 trending article right now on FOXNews.com is titled Practical suggestions for handling the great sadness. “The great sadness” sounds unbearably morose, so I had to find out what everybody’s so sad about:

This is a time of year, for various reasons, that many of us experience a deep sadness.

Various reasons? Tell me more.

It’s difficult to explain if you haven’t experience it. It’s heaviness a blanket, a looming cloud. It might be a form of depression but it also might also be a heavy dose of reality. Or maybe depression is a heavy dose of reality. A dose far too potent. Because of a divorce, the loss of a child, family tension . . . the fact that your favorite NBA team is 1-8. You know, the important stuff.

The author was obviously too sad to edit his own piece. I guess it could be SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Or, you know, sports problems… the important stuff. I couldn’t imagine any other reason why readers of FOX News might be having a bad, say, month.

Until, that is, I peeked at the full list of trending/suggested articles/videos:

Oh right: fearless Iran, Obamacare, the decline of men, sadness, more Obamacare, Benghazi, and fiscal uncertainty. And I have no doubt the list would go on if only FOX was given more space. Sadly – very Sadly — laptop screens are only so big.

The only headline of this entire litany that doesn’t immediately scream doom and gloom is Three words to define Obama 2.0. So I did my due diligence to find out whether those three words are ‘Happy’, ‘Golucky’, and ‘Rainbows’… or something else.

Surprise! Turns out, the answer is “something else.” What, exactly, is hard to discern, because nowhere does the article include any list of three words. But I did manage to pick up on the tone from its very first sentence:

So much for the honeymoon.

I think the general attitude over at FOX was foretold by the great prophet Ann Coulter, in an article published right before the election titled (and this is a direct quote), ROMNEY IS WHAT THE COUNTRY NEEDS NOW:

If Obamacare if not stopped [i.e. if Obama is re-elected], there won’t be one moment marking the end of America. Everything will just gradually get worse.

That’s right. Everything will just gradually get worse. Everything: Foreign Policy. Health care. Manliness. Security. The economy. And who knows? The decline may not even be gradual.

I’ve done my best not to gloat, and I managed to hold out almost three full weeks, but there’s losing, and then there’s this. This holiday weekend, I give thanks that I don’t live in FOX’s America.

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10 thoughts on “Something got you down, FOX News?”

  1. You connected this “nice” piece with your obvious hateful fox mongering.

    Just take the win you dope.

    I am really curious about how the writer would fill out a kids connect the dot game that I give my kids at our local diner.

    Like

    1. Charges I do not deny: hateful fox mongering.

      It’s hard to ignore what else shows up on the same page. If I believed all that stuff was as terrible as FOX says it is, I’d probably be greatly sad, too.

      I’d suggest the real solution – which, funnily enough, doesn’t show up in the article – is to stop reading FOX News.

      Like

      1. You failed to address the issue.

        Your hatred for fox doesn’t make you a better writer.

        Anyone can be opinionated.

        The article has no link to the other stuff but you made the link based on your hatred. Maybe you should stop calling the kettle black.

        Like

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