The news headlines we wish we read

Thanks to the Onion and the Daily Currant and April Fools and the Borowitz Report, we’re used to seeing headlines that don’t actually reflect reality — or reflect a different kind of reality. Sometimes that reality is better, sometimes it’s worse, and sometimes it’s just plain weird.

Against the background of that conditioning, I logged on to the Seattle Times website, and was confronted by an alternate reality I could only wish was real:

Stuck in Limbo

I don’t say “I wish this headline were real” because it isn’t, or because I want to minimize the plight of Pallavi Dua and people like her. The headline is absolutely not fabricated, and the issue discussed in the article it headlines is certainly a very real problem for those affected by it.

But I do wish this headline were real in the sense that it is sooooo much better than how I read it initially, “Foreign workers’ spouses often stuck in limo.” Seriously, that other story is so horrifying and tragic, and for some reason I’ve read it like a dozen times and will probably try to avoid limos for the rest of my life.

In the meantime, I’ll keep holding out hope that one day we can all live in a world where the worst and most serious headlines describe articles about work permits for foreign spouses. Or, at least, are written by the staff of the Onion.

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