The most linguistically-ironic takedown in football history

This offseason, the 49ers signed free agent safety Craig Dahl away from the division rival Rams.

On Wednesday, Dahl revealed that the Rams “played the 49ers tough last season in part because they sniffed out run-pass tendencies through personnel giveaways.” The revelation is all very interesting, of course, but its substance is not the subject of the present post. Instead, I want to briefly focus on the reaction Dahl’s comments engendered among his former teammates in St. Louis:

“The way he kind of flaunted it, like, ‘Yeah, the reason why the Rams were competitive was because we knew all that’ — yeah, but we also made some plays,” Rams middle linebacker James Laurinaitis said after practice Thursday. “We can know what they are doing, but you still have to do it better than them. That got under Cortland [Finnegan’s] skin.”

Wait, why is Laurinaitis telling us about Cortland Finnegan’s reaction? Can’t these two grown men speak for themselves?

Turns out, Cortland already had — sort of. Finnegan, begin agin:

Did it ever. Finnegan, the Rams’ starting cornerback, lashed out at Dahl via Twitter, calling him “lame” and promising the Rams would exploit him when the teams play during the upcoming season.

“Lame.” Them there’s fighting words. Lame is one of those words people use without intending for it to convey its original English meaning — like b***h and b*****d and i*******s.* But when you look it up in the dictionary, the first definition is still “a : having a body part and especially a limb so disabled as to impair freedom of movement; b : marked by stiffness and soreness <a lame shoulder>.”

*That last one, for those of you wondering, was “ignoramus”, and it means “we do not know” in Latin.

So it was with a deep sense of satisfaction that I read the next line — which both completed the explanation of why Laurinaitis was speaking for Finnegan, and added a heavy dose of delicious irony for good measure:

Finnegan missed practice Thursday to rest a sore calf. He was not available for interviews. Laurinaitis filled in some of the blanks.

Tarvaris Jackson just returned to the Seahawks, two years removed from starting for them at quarterback, but something tells me Dahl’s never going to make his way back to St. Louis. Which, at the end of the day, is pretty lucky for him, because “lame” Dahl rams don’t tend to last all that long anyway:

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