One man’s robbery by skinny-dipper is another man’s chance to make a baseball joke

Back in the 1990s, there was a player on the Mariners named Rich Amaral. Chances are you haven’t heard of him, because he wasn’t very good — according to Fangraphs, he finished as an above-average hitter exactly once, in 1996, when he performed at 101% of the league average — and mainly because he spent 8 of his 10 major league seasons playing for Seattle. But he was on the Mariners when I became a fan, he was part of the team’s magical 1995 run, and he was always around, so I remember him — and fondly, at that.

[Update, 7/12: In case you think I’m making it up, the day after writing this post, I listened to the 7/9 Lookout Landing Podcast and heard the following: “I think everybody has a healthy bit of disdain for every bit of crappiness that [former [Update, 12/3: current] Mariner Willie] Bloomquist had, but it’s something kind of unspoken that now he’s gone and it’s all forgiven. It’s kind of like Rich Amaral, who was basically a big piece of shit when he was here, and he was a terrible player, but we all kind of look back on Rich Amaral fondly.”]

But don’t worry: this isn’t a post about Rich Amaral. Instead, it’s a story about a guy named Stephen Amaral who got robbed blind — pun intended. Summary via Newser:

A 54-year-old guy in eastern Tennessee is sure two of his neighbors stole more than $1,000 worth of stuff from his home. But it’s the way they did it that’s making headlines. As Stephen Amaral tells it, the husband and wife came to his house, and the woman asked to swim in his pool, reports the Crossville Chronicle. He said sure, and she then asked hubby to go home and get her cigarettes. When he left, the wife asked permission to swim naked, which she did for 20 minutes in front of the apparently mesmerized Amaral.

It was only after she left that Amaral discovered he’d been had. He told the cops that the husband must have gone through his home while he was watching the swim show. Police have identified the suspects but have yet to make any arrests. WKRN has this awesome, and maybe a little inscrutable, quote from Amaral: “I went and got her a towel; she dried off and all of a sudden she was soaking wet again. I escorted her outside and invited her to church, but she said she didn’t have time for that.”

As I said, this isn’t a story about Rich Amaral. It’s a story about Stephen Amaral —  or, as I like to think him of him after he got cleaned out: Poor Amaral.

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