This 275-pound man was offered cookies for dinner. Here’s what he should have done next.

Michael Bennett played a key role in the Seahawks Superbowl victory, but even though the team would like to resign him, the city it calls home hasn’t exactly been giving him the royal treatment. Take, for instance, his recent experience with Seattle-based Alaska Airlines:

Poor guy. Cookies for dinner? Sounds almost as absurd as candy for breakfast! Or the idea that airline customers matter.

Alaska was sure to swiftly apologize —

— but to be honest, I don’t think it really had to. Michael had a number of obvious solutions that did not involve taking his complaint to Twitter.

First, he could try eating his Twitter handle. Mmmm, Moses bread. It’s no Ezekiel bread, but make no mistake: Moses bread is not just for Jews. (This would be a more appetizing solution if I didn’t know the backstory. Michael told Seattle radio, “Well I like Moses, and I like Hawaiian bread so I just put the two together.” But then his brother* reported Moses bread is just a misspelling of Moses beard. Not so delicious.)

Second, he could appeal to Alaska’s CFO (that is, Chief Football Officer) for some help landing a meal. The problem: we know what Russ likes to do on planes, and I think it’s safe to presume #NoTime2Eat, either:

The third option also involves Russell “the man” Wilson — just this time, rather than asking him for help, Michael could have pretended to be Russell Wilson. Here’s an anecdote that came out about two months ago:

Bennett tried to make a reservation over the phone at an exclusive unnamed eatery Tuesday, thinking his status as a defensive star for the NFL’s top team was good enough.

“But they told me they were all booked up,” Bennett said in a 710 ESPN radio interview.

“I called them back a few minutes later,” he said. “I said, ‘Hey, this is Russell Wilson. I’ll be attending your restaurant today. Do you have any tables?’

“And she was like, ‘Yes! We can make a table for you! You were 22-for-30 the other night, 130 quarterback rating!’ She knew every stat.”

“She took me to the table and they had it roped off,” Bennett said. “They had sparkling water and everything.”


*Speaking of Martellus, he didn’t sound too sympathetic toward his brother:


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s