Finally, a golden opportunity for Hamas to retaliate against Israel with my full support

Amidst the rubble that is the current conflict between Israel and Gaza, the combatants did manage to unearth one tiny gem — in the form of an internet exchange, of course, because where else?

Elizabeth Tsurkov, who works for the Israeli NGO Hotline for Refugees and Migrant Workers, made headlines last week when she tweeted at Hamas in order to correct the terrorist organization’s Hebrew grammar — and found herself in something of a dialogue:


Full English translation can be found here.

Obviously, the more of that and the less of this, the better. So let’s see what we can do.

Hey, Hamas! Over here! Look here!

I would like to call your attention to a brand-new Israeli website. In the grand tradition of and*, I present

Sure, there was a surrogate involved, but good news — you’re the proud daddy! But let’s leave that aside for a moment. Also leave aside your actual rockets — you won’t be needing them where we’re going. Here’s what the website looks like:

israel rocket free for

On its face, unobjectionable. All we have here is a simple counter that Israel would like to see tick higher and Hamas would like to constantly reset. But if you take a harder look around, it doesn’t take long to identify something in the small print that grammar terrorists really ought to seek out and destroy:

israel rocket free for small print

“Since 2001, there has been 6313 rockets fired into Israel” [emphasis mine]?? Come on, Israelis. I know you. You all speak perfect English. You’re better than this. And so I sincerely hope Hamas manages to take this abomination of subject-verb disagreement down.

But Hamas is famously unskilled at targeting. How ever could it reach such a well-protected piece of Israeli infrastructure?

Well, I have some good news! In this round of combat, Hamas has allies. According to Mother Jones, “Anonymous has announced it will launch a round of cyber-attacks this Friday [that is, today] against the Israeli government, in retaliation for Israel’s ongoing military intervention in Gaza . . . so that ‘Israel will feel fear tingling in their servers, and homes.'”

In closing, a brief word to Anonymous: You’ve definitely had better ideas, but if you do insist on going ahead with this here Cyber Warfare, I hope this post gave you a good idea of where to start. You should definitely visit before you do anything crazy like try to disable Iron Dome or anything else but especially try to disable Iron Dome.

* does not actually exist, but it should. If anyone feels so motivated, the correct answer is: NO. Also, stay the hell away from that John Smith. Boy’s trouble.


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