Barack Obama has a secret weapon in his war against ISIS

That weapon: the Seattle Seahawks. Don’t believe me and/or have no clue what I’m talking about? As noted Seahawks fan Bill Nye* might say, Consider the following:

1. Obama first enlisted the Seahawks in public when they visited him in the White House last summer. Head Coach Pete Carroll offered the President, “I do know that you have access to some of the great special forces anywhere, and you can do whatever you need to do. But I want you to know that just a phone call away is ‘The Boom.'” Obama accepted, “In case we need them for some sort of special mission.” You can watch the exchange here, at around 10:50:

2. The Seattle Seahawks and Green Bay Packers bookended their seasons against one another (non-Super Bowl edition): they were ranked 1-2 by the NFL preseason, they kicked off 2014 in Seattle, and they are about to face off in the NFC Championship game.

We’ve already established the Hawks are on a mission from Obama, but why am I drawing the Packers into this? Well, as anyone who watched the late great Colbert Report is aware, ISIS and the Green Bay Packers are basically synonymous:

It should therefore come as no surprise, given the intense interest in events in the Middle East, that both teams have reportedly experience a surge in fan interest during the past year.

3. The Seahawks enjoyed an early bye this season right after difficult matchups against the Chargers and Broncos. Here’s how the Tacoma News Tribune described the team’s departure from the team’s training facility in Renton on September 22:

No, the players weren’t exactly tiptoeing away from the Virginia Mason Athletic Center this afternoon. Those are the vapor trails coming out of Renton about the time Carroll was starting his weekly Monday press conference.

The very next day, the United States-led coalition began to carry out its very first strikes against ISIS in Syria. Coincidence? You tell me where those vapor trails were heading.

4. Immediately after the Dallas Cowboys knocked off the Seahawks in Seattle this past October, a nationwide poll showed they tumbled from the most popular team in America all the way down to number four. Listen up, “America’s Team”: That’s the price of stabbing America’s Special Forces in the back.

So if you care about America, or just don’t particularly care for ISIS, I think it’s pretty clear who you should be rooting for in half an hour: Go Hawks.


*See 1:10:05 in the following video:

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