Last Wednesday, Jon Stewart ran a segment titled “Seriously, Guys, What Are We Doing Here?” The piece was addressed to the reporters who stalk Hillary around the country, and centered around a clip depicting several dozen of them sprinting after her “Mystery Mobile” (so-named because it resembles Scooby’s vehicle of choice).
After suggesting several good reasons for someone to chase vans — “If the van was perhaps the Good Humor truck, and you were five” — Stewart proceeds to
good humorlessly berate his targets:
I’ll tell you one reason not worth chasing Hillary Clinton’s van: your reason. Because let’s say you catch the Clinton Mobile. Best case, you’re getting a few seconds of footage of Clinton leaving the car and going into a building.
Just one problem: What Stewart describes is absolutely not the best case scenario. Sure, recording Hillary exit a vehicle is almost certainly a waste of time — but you never really know what will happen.
And if you somehow doubt that assertion, please allow me to help you revisit mid-December 2012, when Hillary Clinton was set to testify before House and Senate committees concerning Benghazi. The interrogations did not occur as planned, because Hillary thwarted her Republican inquisitors by fainting. Now imagine if she were to faint while exiting a van — doing so on-camera would obviously have a tremendous impact on her image and the campaign for the Democratic nomination.
But even that possibility is not remotely close to the best case scenario, and we don’t even have to go too far to find it. The very same mid-December week in which Hillary fainted, Anne Hathaway was photographed exiting a car commando.* Or, as she put it, “They saw everything.” Unlikely as it may seem, there remains some finite chance that as Hillary exits the Scooby van, one lucky paparazzo will instantly turn Monica’s blue dress into only the second most-famous article of Clinton-related clothing (or not-clothing, depending).
*Perhaps the very commando Hillary should have dispatched to protect the consulate in Benghazi.
To her credit, Hillary has never let that happen. But with a year and a half of intense media scrutiny ahead, there’s always a chance she might slip up without a slip. Unless, of course, she continues to come prepared. You can almost hear the disappointed photographer now: “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling pantsuits.”