Who should the GOP draft to take down Trump? This brave five year-old girl

There’s been a lot of finger-pointing about just who is most responsible for the rise of Trump, but there is at least one point of broad consensus: for too long, the GOP was afraid of attacking him, and his adversaries spent far too long tearing down one another instead.

On some level, their strategy was understandable: Trump was a punchline until he wasn’t, and so his rivals devoted most of their energy to jockeying for second place. Moreover, it’s unclear that any of their attacks would even stick. When Marco Rubio tried his hand at insult comedy, the results fell far short of spectacular.

But those considerations did not deter all his adversaries. Back in 2010, one five year-old girl issued a challenge to Donald Trump, nearly six years before any Republican candidate managed to accomplish the same feat:

Continue reading Who should the GOP draft to take down Trump? This brave five year-old girl

A piece of Purim poetry, inspired by #ManInTree

Last Tuesday, while much of the world stood transfixed by the tragic bombings in Brussels, Seattle could not take its eyes off #ManInTree — a man (surprise!) who defied police orders to descend from an 80-foot sequoia tree in downtown Seattle for a full Shabbat (25 hours).

At the height (pun intended) of his popularity, KOMO News’ livestream of #ManInTree’s treetop standoff attracted 420,000 viewers (the perfect number of Seattleites to demonstrate interest in someone really, really high). By comparison, a nearby Hillary rally attracted fewer than 3,000.

As #ManInTree’s ordeal stretched into Wednesday, I could not help but notice certain parallels between his story and that of the impending holiday of Purim (which began that night). And so I was inspired to pen a piece of poetry,* which I now publish publicly for the first time. I hope you enjoy:

Continue reading A piece of Purim poetry, inspired by #ManInTree

The Daily Show wasted its imagination on Marco’s road to the White House

[Editor’s note: I wrote this post a week ago. I promptly forgot to publish it. Rubio’s departure from the primary this evening simultaneously reminded me of its existence and rendered it obsolete. C’est la vie.]

Last week [Editor’s note: two weeks ago], in the immediate wake of Super Tuesday, The Daily Show put together a segment contrasting the Rubio campaign’s persistent optimism with Marco’s underwhelming performance in the Republican primaries so far:

Continue reading The Daily Show wasted its imagination on Marco’s road to the White House

I can confirm 10 Cloverfield Lane is Cloverfield’s “spiritual successor” (and I’ve yet to even see it)

10 Cloverfield Lane, which just hit theaters, is not the sequel to Cloverfield. Rather, JJ Abrams has patiently explained, it’s its “spiritual successor”. But just what is a spiritual successor? I must admit, after watching two different trailers, as well as Abrams’ appearance on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert last week, I still wasn’t quite sure what he meant. I figured I’d wait to see the movie.

Continue reading I can confirm 10 Cloverfield Lane is Cloverfield’s “spiritual successor” (and I’ve yet to even see it)

The newest sidewalk in DC has already been victimized

Monday morning, I had to walk around the southeast corner of 19th & N while construction workers poured the newest sidewalk in DC.

By Tuesday morning, their work was mostly complete, yet I couldn’t help but notice that someone had — rather than avoiding the new pavement, like I did — taken the opportunity to share his or her personal opinion with everyone who walks by for the next ~decade:

Continue reading The newest sidewalk in DC has already been victimized

This is what happens when you let foreigners take good American jobs

Trevor Noah is not the first person to artlessly skewer Marco Rubio for being something of a sweaty guy. Indeed, Donald Trump noted it at least eight different ways a full year out from the 2016 election, and if Trump did it, you know he did it better and classier than it’s ever been done before, believe me.

Continue reading This is what happens when you let foreigners take good American jobs

Digging for a bright spot amidst the prospective Cleveland riot gear purchase

Concerning news out of Cleveland for those invested in the future of American democracy: city police have begun to stockpile riot gear in advance of hosting the Republican National Convention in July. The news bodes ill not only for those interested in maintaining a civil discourse both within, and between, political parties, but also for those distressed by the increasing militarization of municipal police forces across the country.

Continue reading Digging for a bright spot amidst the prospective Cleveland riot gear purchase

The more things change, Middle East edition

One of my favorite Colbert Report clips of all time — all time — came when Stephen reported on Israel’s selection of the long-billed hoopoe as its national bird. He concluded the brief segment like so:

Continue reading The more things change, Middle East edition

Tonight’s debate inspired me to write a little song about Trump

During tonight’s dick-measuring contest Republican debate, Donald Trump treated the viewing audience to the following iron-clad, completely convincing refutation of Marco Rubio:

Continue reading Tonight’s debate inspired me to write a little song about Trump