Tonight’s debate inspired me to write a little song about Trump

During tonight’s dick-measuring contest Republican debate, Donald Trump treated the viewing audience to the following iron-clad, completely convincing refutation of Marco Rubio:

Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands — if they’re small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there’s no problem, I guarantee.

But while he may have indeed “just defended his penis size at the Republican debate“, the astute listener might notice that the Donald had nothing to say about a neighboring portion of his anatomy. Sure, Little Marco never really put Trump’s testicles at issue, but — as we recently learned regarding a reputed role model — you never know what insecure little men are hiding in their shorts.

So in the spirit of the delightful British song that has been recalled so often over the past few months —

Hitler has only got one ball,
Göring has two but very small,
Himmler has something sim’lar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

— I have composed a little ditty about Donald and his deputies. I hope you enjoy:

Donald has only got one ball,
Sarah has two but very small,
Brady’s hung like a lady,*
But old Chris Christie has no balls at all.

Listen to the tune right here so you can sing along — and certainly do chime in with your own version. Feel free to mix up who among his growing cadre of sycophants gets a shoutout, but don’t forget to adjust your rhyming scheme accordingly.


*Never thought I’d say this, but I miss Himmler and the ability to rhyme his name “has something sim’lar”.

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