According to YouTube, “hilarious couple” Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally appeared on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert December 15 to “battle for the Smooshed title in this Christmas-themed edition of Late Show’s signature cooking competition.” The competition is as follows: each contestant has about a minute to, well, smoosh together available ingredients — Colbert is the judge.
In keeping with his public persona, St. Nick surveyed said available ingredients and decided to “use that bourbon to fuel my creativity” by taking a couple of long swigs before he started any smooshing:
Continue reading What was Nick Offerman drinking on The Late Show?
On August 1, just after Donald Trump spent his post-DNC weekend waging an unusually-misguided jihad against Khizr and Ghazala Khan, Stephen Colbert opened his Late Show by exploring one simple question: “Is there anyone Donald Trump won’t attack if they say something bad about him?” A series of brief experiments revealed that Trump would not attack “a kindly old lady” or “a kindergartner with an adorable speech impediment”, but was more than happy to take on a kitten who equated him with Hitler:
Continue reading Why Trump really went after that crying baby
Bail was set for #ManInTree at $50,000, which means it won’t be long before we hear he’s signed a lucrative book deal to help cover the costs. Since the forthcoming memoir may as well be a foregone conclusion, I took the liberty of designing a book jacket on his behalf:
Continue reading I just can’t wait for Man In Tree’s new memoir
Concerning news out of Cleveland for those invested in the future of American democracy: city police have begun to stockpile riot gear in advance of hosting the Republican National Convention in July. The news bodes ill not only for those interested in maintaining a civil discourse both within, and between, political parties, but also for those distressed by the increasing militarization of municipal police forces across the country.
Continue reading Digging for a bright spot amidst the prospective Cleveland riot gear purchase
One of my favorite Colbert Report clips of all time — all time — came when Stephen reported on Israel’s selection of the long-billed hoopoe as its national bird. He concluded the brief segment like so:
Continue reading The more things change, Middle East edition
Thanks to Rudyard Kipling, we know how the leopard got his spots, how the camel got his humps, how the tiger got his stripes, how the whale got his throat, and so on.* Among his beloved Just So Stories is one titled The Crab That Played with the Sea, which tells of how the crab was transformed from a large animal into a tiny one.**
Continue reading How the Marshawn Lynch got his wound: a heretofore untold Just So Story
Mountain Lion. Puma. Catamount. Lion of the Andes. Panther. All different names for the same thing: But unlike Death Cab for Cutie, none of those are authentically Washington. You see, out where I’m from, that critter you see above is called a cougar.
Although aware of the existence of those many alternatives, I actually went years thinking “cougar” is a relatively common term. It certainly helps that it has taken on a strong secondary connotation in pop culture. So imagine my astonishment when I took the New York Times’ Dialect Quiz about a year ago and discovered that the name is pretty much endemic to Washington:
Continue reading Cougars are ours and you can’t have them
I recently came across what I instantly believed to be the worst idea for a non-profit organization I had ever encountered, and my immediate instinct was to share it with you all. It appeared in a story about an African serval — an exotic cat — spotted running along a road on Vancouver Island (somewhere it obviously didn’t belong):
Doug Nelson, a Nanaimo cat breeder, said the serval could be the same one he sold to a Sooke resident. That serval escaped in August and couldn’t be recovered for several weeks.
Seems like a perfectly plausible explanation. But the article went on:
Continue reading Looks like I owe a meow culpaw
Marshawn Lynch was in Beast Mode long before he showed up in Seattle via mid-season trade in 2010. And it didn’t take long for him to demonstrate why he earned that nickname:
But all this begs an obvious question, as you may have gathered from the subject line of this post: just what species of beast is he?
We got a preliminary answer during last week’s game, when the broadcast briefly cut away to the Seattle aquariam for a quick peek at Marshawn Pinch:
Continue reading Marshawn Lynch has made a name for himself in Beast Mode. But what kind of Beast is he?