Tag Archives: ISIS

Dave Chapelle is more worried about being mistaken for gay than for ISIS

Just days before his just-post-election monologue on SNL, Dave Chapelle made a few small headlines when he downplayed the seriousness of both sexism and homophobia. And when it came time for him to actually deliver that big monologue, Chapelle put his money where his mouth was, making jokes that could be construed as mild examples of both. The astounding part: It only took him three words, one of which was “a”, and you probably missed it.

The sentence clause in question came during Chapelle’s discussion of whether the Pulse shooter could rightly be considered a soldier of ISIS. See if you can spot the three-word sequence in this excerpt taken from the Washington Post’s transcript of his routine:

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The more things change, Middle East edition

One of my favorite Colbert Report clips of all time — all time — came when Stephen reported on Israel’s selection of the long-billed hoopoe as its national bird. He concluded the brief segment like so:

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Blown joke nicely illustrates the danger of giving Neil deGrasse Tyson his own show

Last Thursday, The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore played host to (among others) Neil deGrasse Tyson, who is set to launch a brand new nightly talk show this very evening on the National Geographic Channel. I almost wish they’d let Neil take over the 11:30 Comedy Central slot from Larry Wilmore instead.

The need for Tyson’s scientific insight to reach a wider audience was nicely illustrated on March 26, when Larry hosted a four-person roundtable that included both alleged comedian J.B. Smoove and Nightly Show showrunner (and Daily Show veteran) Rory Albanese.

When the panel’s discussion turned to ISIS, Smoove joked that Isis was actually the name of a “lady who puts ice in her mouth before she gives you a blowjob.” Get it? It’s a joke about linguistics: ISIS contains, inter alia, the lone phoneme — /’aɪs/ — in “ice”.

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What’s the real takeaway from Bibi’s fearmongering on ISIS?

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s extended campaign ad — filmed before the United States Congress — has been grabbing all the headlines, but on Last Week Tonight last night, John Oliver drew viewers’ attention to an earlier piece in support of his reelection:

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Why is ISIS threatening Twitter employees with *LIONS*, of all things?

Christian Science Monitor wants to know: Why is ISIS threatening Twitter employees with ‘lions’? Of course, CSM also has the answer:

Supporters of the extremist militant group called for the death of company employees in response to Twitter’s blocking of social media accounts associated with the Islamic State.

That much, I could have guessed. But I clicked on the headline not to find out why ISIS was threatening Twitter employees — after all, does ISIS really need a cause? — but because I was curious: Why lions? And since CSM appears to have been uninterested by that zoological choice, I decided to delve into the question for myself — and now, for you. You’re welcome.

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Who’s wiping Israel off the map now?: New York Times edition

In a recent post, I detailed how some people described the acquisition of Seamless in Kuwait (how clever) as the largest Middle Eastern exit since 2009. They forgot, of course, that Israeli startups routinely eclipse Talabat’s $170 million purchase price — or maybe excluding Israel from “the Middle East” was a conscious decision. Either way, they’re redrawing maps.

But those offenders are small potatoes (which you may presumably order on Talabat). This time, I’d like to call your attention to the pages of the New York Times. In yesterday’s column, Islam and the West at War, Roger Cohen described the current conflict between, well, Islam and the west:

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What we should have called the War on ISIS

Back in early October, Stephen Colbert (z”l) reported on the fact that two months into its war against ISIS, the U.S. military had yet to give the operation an official name. Or as he put it, “Nowhere has Obama been weaker than in the realm of strategic nomenclature.”

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The President of Turkey just told a hilarious joke, Part II

Exactly four months ago, I published a post titled “The President of Turkey just told a hilarious joke“. Here’s how it began:

After VP Joe Biden accused Turkey of having supported many of the forces fighting Bashar al-Assad — including ISIS — that country’s President Recep Tayyip Erdogan angrily responded, “Turkey has never given even the smallest kind of support to any terror organization.”

That’s the punchline.

The rest of the post was dedicated to chronicling various instances in which Turkey has, in fact, support a terror organization (Hamas). I am now writing to admit that post was a major mistake: It was written under the assumption that, admittedly, Turkey does not support ISIS, but certainly does support “any terror organization”. But then I came across a Newsweek article from November (yes, Newsweek still exists) that suggests I was being silly. Here’s how it began:

A reluctant former communications technician working for Islamic State, now going by the pseudonym ‘Sherko Omer’, who managed to escape the group, told Newsweek that he travelled in a convoy of trucks as part of an ISIS unit from their stronghold in Raqqa, across Turkish border, through Turkey and then back across the border to attack Syrian Kurds in the city of Serekaniye in northern Syria in February.

“ISIS commanders told us to fear nothing at all because there was full cooperation with the Turks,” said Omer of crossing the border into Turkey, “and they reassured us that nothing will happen, especially when that is how they regularly travel from Raqqa and Aleppo to the Kurdish areas further northeast.”

It’s certainly worth taking “Omer”‘s allegations with a grain of salt. After all, he is Kurdish himself, and probably has no great love of Turkey. But still, his word against the guy who thinks Muslims Columbused America, and I’ll take the pseudonymous former member of ISIS every goddamn time.

Blame the Super Bowl ticket debacle on FOX Business

FOX Business was rightly panned a few weeks ago for airing a report that Super Bowl attendance was expected to decrease this year, and that ticket prices were falling as a result. FOX blamed the lack of interest on the slate of playoff teams (at the time: New England, Indianapolis, Seattle, Green Bay) as well as on people choosing to attend Super Bowl parties instead of the actual Super Bowl.

I don’t need to rehearse all the reasons the segment’s two reporters (as well as its writers, producers, etc.) should be fed to ISIS, but in brief: Super Bowl attendance is purely a function of stadium size, and a smaller stadium likely indicates that ticket prices are expected to be higher, not that fewer people are interested in attending. (Not accidentally, the two teams that made the Super Bowl also happen to boast the highest average ticket prices in the NFL this season.)

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Real patriots don’t root for New England

Don’t let their name fool you: real patriots don’t root for the Patriots. And I’m not just talking about the fact that the Seahawks were recently revealed to be Barack Obama’s secret weapon in the war against ISIS. No. This is about who we, as Americans, can trust to secure our Super Bowl rings. And while the Seahawks can obviously be trusted to handle international affairs, the same cannot be said about New England.

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