Tag Archives: Marshawn Lynch

How the Marshawn Lynch got his wound: a heretofore untold Just So Story

Thanks to Rudyard Kipling, we know how the leopard got his spots, how the camel got his humps, how the tiger got his stripes, how the whale got his throat, and so on.* Among his beloved Just So Stories is one titled The Crab That Played with the Sea, which tells of how the crab was transformed from a large animal into a tiny one.**

Continue reading How the Marshawn Lynch got his wound: a heretofore untold Just So Story

Larry Wilmore is a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, and mean. And mean. And mean.

On last night’s The Nightly Show, Larry Wilmore  said something – in connection with the recent confirmation of new attorney general Loretta Lynch – that is just demonstrably untrue:

Continue reading Larry Wilmore is a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life, and mean. And mean. And mean.

A rather ironic complaint about Michael Sam

Michael Sam has not been on an NFL roster since the Cowboys released him in October, but he’s still making headlines. In the days leading up to the Super Bowl, I noticed that at least one sports blog went out of its way to poll fans in Arizona about whether they would mind Sam’s presence on their respective teams. Unsurprisingly, fans from Seattle and New England were overwhelmingly indifferent.

The  continued fascination with Michael Sam reminded me of an ironic comment I spotted on Seahawks blog Field Gulls all the way back in February, a mere ten days after the Hawks won their first Super Bowl (good times) and even more shortly after Michael Sam declared he would enter the 2014 NFL draft (click to embiggen):

Continue reading A rather ironic complaint about Michael Sam

How Seattle could lose on Sunday by winning

Boston Mayor Martin Walsh was too scared to place the traditional Super Bowl bet against Seattle Mayor Ed Murray, but — have no fear! — New England managed to turn up a stand-in: Providence, R.I., Mayor Jorge Elorza.

If the Patriots win, Murray will send Elorza “a package of Northwest alder-smoked salmon from Pure Food Fish Market, coffee beans from the original Starbucks at Pike Place Market and a giant bag of Marshawn Lynch’s favorite snack, Skittles.” Even if certain items are of somewhat dubious quality *cough* Starbucks *cough*, at the very least, this basket is pretty authentically Seattle.

But when the Seahawks win, here’s the dreck Murray earns in return:

Continue reading How Seattle could lose on Sunday by winning

Turns out the Packers earned themselves a trip to the Super Bowl, after all

The traditional consolation prize for losing in the Championship round of the NFL playoffs is a trip to the Pro Bowl. It’s no Super Bowl, but a free trip to Hawaii is nothing to sniff at (unless you’re Marshawn Lynch). But this year, after their heartbreaking overtime loss to the Seahawks, a few Packers ended up with a trip to the Super Bowl anyway.

I’m sorry, did I say Super Bowl? I meant the Key & Peele Super Bowl Special:

Continue reading Turns out the Packers earned themselves a trip to the Super Bowl, after all

Marshawn Lynch is right: Why bother talking to the media when this is what they do to his words?

The WSJ published a short blog post today titled “Marshawn Lynch: ‘I’m Just Here So I Don’t Get Fined’“. The post itself was a rather dry recounting of the running back’s appearance at Super Bowl media day. Here’s a sample: Continue reading Marshawn Lynch is right: Why bother talking to the media when this is what they do to his words?

The midwife who delivered Marshawn Lynch offered his mother some piss-poor medical advice

As related by the The USA Today:

One of four children raised by a single mother, [Marshawn] Lynch arrived on April 22, 1986, with an unexpected message from the midwife: he might have had a twin that didn’t develop.

“They just knew that Marshawn was living off two placentas,” his mother, Delisa, said. “She told me that with that, he may be an amazingly strong child. And I was like, ‘For real?'”

Continue reading The midwife who delivered Marshawn Lynch offered his mother some piss-poor medical advice

The one guy Russell Wilson needs to stop taking advice from

In his column published in Derek Jeter’s The Player’s Tribune today, Seahawks QB Russell Wilson wrote about some of the individuals he leans on for support and draws on for advice. DangeRuss mentioned only one person by name who does not play football for a living (like Marshawn Lynch, Jermaine Kearse, and Doug Baldwin) or work directly for a football team (e.g. Michael Gervais) — and I’m here to tell him he should probably stop doing that:

Continue reading The one guy Russell Wilson needs to stop taking advice from

That Skittles press conference is why journalists — and the NFL — can’t stand Marshawn Lynch

Let me get this out of the way up front: the footage of Marshawn’s Skittles-sponsored “press conference” was a joy to watch. So thank you, Marshawn, for making today more awesomer. If you somehow haven’t seen it already, here ya go:

Continue reading That Skittles press conference is why journalists — and the NFL — can’t stand Marshawn Lynch