Tag Archives: orange

The very lamest excuse of the 2016 Presidential election

Since November 8, we’ve been treated to no end of explanation for Donald Trump’s triumph over Hillary Clinton. Certain segments of the media have branded these “excuses” “lame“, and point to their own preferred explanations. But I’m not here to evaluate the validity of various claims that are essentially unprovable; I’d rather focus on lame excuses that are more verifiably so: ones that self-evidently lack explanatory power to the degree that they could have only been offered to the public in bad faith.

It is difficult to produce an excuse for the race’s outcome that fell unambiguously into this category; political scientists and pundits may debate what actually happened for years to come. So, without further ado, I would like to focus your attention on a slightly different category: the lamest excuse offered by the Hillary campaign for something other than the race’s final outcome.

A few weeks ago, the New York Times treated its readers to a strong contender for the title:

Continue reading The very lamest excuse of the 2016 Presidential election


Why can’t every religious conference have drone panoramas?

Thousands of rabbis gathered this past weekend in Brooklyn for the 31st International Conference of Chabad-Lubavitch Emissaries. Naturally, the occasion called for the help of a drone:

Continue reading Why can’t every religious conference have drone panoramas?

The Zombie beaver apocalypse is finally upon us

It’s happening:

Beaver Savagely Attacks Kayaker

A kayaker in Upstate New York was hospitalized after being attacked by a beaver in Irondequoit Creek last week. Michael Cavanaugh was knocked into the water when the beaver jumped out of the creek and started mauling him, biting him on his back and arm.

“I heard my name called out from the shop and I ran out the door to see a guy getting pulled into the water,” a trainer at BayCreek Paddling Center tells WHAM. “It was like watching a horror film.”

And I think we know exactly which one he had in mind:

Continue reading The Zombie beaver apocalypse is finally upon us

Paper Treiger braces for upcoming worker’s comp claim

I always joke I want to hire an intern. Like everyone else, I’m behind on life, and an extra set of hands to do all the things I’d like to but don’t have time for would go a long way towards fixing that problem — and until I can clone myself, an intern is the only viable option.

But as I said, that’s a pipe dream; though it has twice featured guest bloggers, this blog has always been wholly owned and operated by a single individual. It has never hired an employee to do its work, dirty or otherwise.

With one exception.

Back in 2011, when Paper Treiger was the subject of virulent protest less than one short week after its inauguration, it hired UC Davis Police Lt. John Pike to disperse the dirty occupiers:

Continue reading Paper Treiger braces for upcoming worker’s comp claim

Standing up for my major: Why we need Biology in schools

Anyone who went to college in the United States — or just knows how to read — is probably familiar with the debate over whether a liberal arts education serves any sort of practical purpose.

On one side, you have English professor Verlyn Klinkenborg’s passionate defense of the English major in the pages of the New York Times. On the other, you’ve got Avenue Q:

Continue reading Standing up for my major: Why we need Biology in schools

McDonald’s Bacon, Ranch, and Sweet Chili chicken wraps for Passover

“Passover?” you’re probably asking yourself. “Wasn’t that like a month ago?”

Indeed, it was exactly one month and one day ago, and it is thus no accident that I chose to write this post on Shushan Pesach Sheni.* [To those who don’t get this joke immediately: don’t even bother trying to figure it out. Of course, feel free to ask, and if you manage on your own, mad props, but seriously — don’t waste your time.]

The inspiration for this piece comes by way of a Sponsored Ad Suggested Post that appeared in the middle of my Facebook newsfeed in the middle of Passover, and it took me a month to convert that inspiration into actual written material because this isn’t my full-time (or even part-time) job. Without further ado, here’s the ad:

Continue reading McDonald’s Bacon, Ranch, and Sweet Chili chicken wraps for Passover

Someone please explain me how this scam would even work

[Update: Mystery solved. See the end of this post for an explanation.]

I finally got my new computer a week ago. Yes, I ended up ordering it from Lenovo, despite my incessant complaints about Lenovo in general and its customer service in particular.  So as a consequence of my continued ownership of a Lenovo laptop for at minimum the next three years, consider this fair warning — you have probably not heard the last of my complaints about the company (and you have definitely not heard the last of my complaints in general).

In the meantime, I’ve been left to puzzle over the bright orange sticker that came attached to the box in which my laptop was shipped, and I’m hoping you all can lend me a hand:

Continue reading Someone please explain me how this scam would even work

Beware this safety patrol cat

Typically, cats only make it online when they’re adorable and can’t spell.

The subject of this post is not particularly adorable, but he probably could spell — and that’s been enough to earn him a pile of headlines in recent days (see Yahoo, Huffington Post, and ABC News, among others). And so I feel obligated to warn the internet — indeed, all humanity — of his danger. Take it away, Tri-City Herald:

Twice a day, every weekday, a large black cat named Sable trots from the garage where he lives to a nearby street corner in West Richland.

He plops down in a patch of grass and watches as children cross the street to and from Enterprise Middle School, earning him the nickname “the crossing guard cat.”

Now, when I say Sable could probably spell, I mean this cat is a Frick-en genius. My cat is indignant every single time he gets locked up for the night, and then spends a while meowing and scratching at the door as if that has ever gotten him out. Listen, Oban, maybe if you were smart enough to eat at the next-door neighbor’s, and didn’t reliably fall for the “come downstairs for dinner” trap every. single. night. then maybe you’d manage to occasionally avoid the dungeon. But of course, you never learn. Sable, on the other hand:

Sable typically arrives at the corner about five minutes before the children — and he stays in on the weekend when children won’t be in school.

The article doesn’t address what Sable does on holidays or over the summer, but at this point I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’s got the calendar down too (even if he doesn’t appear in any 785 cat calendars available on Amazon; for the record, that’s 250 more than there are dog calendars, probably because 99% of dogs don’t speak English). At the very least, I imagine he figured out when it’s Halloween.

But what makes Sable so intelligent? Is it that he goes to school every day? Or is it something more ominous?

I know you’re dying to see him — and, don’t worry; I know you can’t mention cats on the internet without providing a picture — so here’s what he looks like:

Continue reading Beware this safety patrol cat