Since November 8, we’ve been treated to no end of explanation for Donald Trump’s triumph over Hillary Clinton. Certain segments of the media have branded these “excuses” “lame“, and point to their own preferred explanations. But I’m not here to evaluate the validity of various claims that are essentially unprovable; I’d rather focus on lame excuses that are more verifiably so: ones that self-evidently lack explanatory power to the degree that they could have only been offered to the public in bad faith.
It is difficult to produce an excuse for the race’s outcome that fell unambiguously into this category; political scientists and pundits may debate what actually happened for years to come. So, without further ado, I would like to focus your attention on a slightly different category: the lamest excuse offered by the Hillary campaign for something other than the race’s final outcome.
A few weeks ago, the New York Times treated its readers to a strong contender for the title:
Continue reading The very lamest excuse of the 2016 Presidential election
Just days before his just-post-election monologue on SNL, Dave Chapelle made a few small headlines when he downplayed the seriousness of both sexism and homophobia. And when it came time for him to actually deliver that big monologue, Chapelle put his money where his mouth was, making jokes that could be construed as mild examples of both. The astounding part: It only took him three words, one of which was “a”, and you probably missed it.
The sentence clause in question came during Chapelle’s discussion of whether the Pulse shooter could rightly be considered a soldier of ISIS. See if you can spot the three-word sequence in this excerpt taken from the Washington Post’s transcript of his routine:
Continue reading Dave Chapelle is more worried about being mistaken for gay than for ISIS
In the week before the Super Bowl, I reminded Americans that victory for the Patriots meant victory for Vladimir Putin — or as I cast him (pun intended), the once and future Lord of the Rings.
Well, that was wrong, but thanks to fellow 12th Man Andy Dwyer, I’ve been set straight. Putin’s no Sauron — he’s, well:
Continue reading What I got wrong about “Real patriots don’t root for New England”
Vladimir Putin might soon have himself another Super Bowl ring, which reminded me of something i spotted back in May on the Huffington Post. It seems that whoever was in charge of writing the headlines one day was feeling unusually curious:
Continue reading A questionable Huffington Post headline featuring Vladimir Putin
Don’t let their name fool you: real patriots don’t root for the Patriots. And I’m not just talking about the fact that the Seahawks were recently revealed to be Barack Obama’s secret weapon in the war against ISIS. No. This is about who we, as Americans, can trust to secure our Super Bowl rings. And while the Seahawks can obviously be trusted to handle international affairs, the same cannot be said about New England.
Continue reading Real patriots don’t root for New England
The first time a Malaysian Airlines flight disappeared under mysterious circumstances, news media had themselves a field day: at least a month of wall-to-wall MH370 coverage, much of it idle speculation — or worse — due to the near-complete lack of hard information about the missing plane.
A second plane was tragically shot down today over Eastern Ukraine, but unlike the original missing flight, the circumstances under which it disappeared are far less mysterious. We have the body, we have the bodies, and now, we have the black boxes. I imagine that, pretty soon, we’ll have the full story.
Which means that if there are going to be batshit crazy theories about what happened and why, we’d better get moving in a hurry. What follows is my contribution to the concoction of crackpot. You’ve been warned.
Continue reading What really happened to flight MH17? A deep dive into the pool of idle speculation
Jon Stewart last night made hay with the revelation that the Pentagon has spent $300,000 studying Vladimir Putin’s body language while trying to resolve the ongoing situation in Crimea.
But how in the world did they spend all that money? Part of the answer can probably be determined by reading past the headline and checking the details of the story — that $300,000 was spent over five years, and analyzed the body language of numerous world leaders other than Putin. Imagine one low-level analyst employed full-time just to do that, and the amount begins to sound slightly less ridiculous. At least, government has come up with more absurd ways to waste money.
But I prefer a different theory. Here’s where I like to think that $300,000 for studying body language ended up:
Continue reading How in the world did the Pentagon spend $300,000 studying Putin’s body language? I’ve got answers
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Vladimir Putin is currently the proud owner of a Super Bowl ring — and not just any ring, but one formerly belonging to Patriots owner Robert Kraft. That fact made headlines recently after Mr. Kraft revealed that the ring had not been, as previously claimed, a gift:
Continue reading Putin’s statement as he stole Kraft’s ring turned out to be eerily prescient