How Russell Wilson escaped the curse of Justin Bieber

When Richard Sherman was named this past year’s Madden cover boy, I imagine a significant fraction of football fans felt schadenfreudic tinglings: Sherman — thug, villain, superstar — would surely fall victim to the vaunted Madden Curse. After all, he had only one direction to fall.

But this past week, Sherman was named NFC Defensive Player of the Week after nearly becoming the San Francisco 49ers’ leading receiver (Colin Kaepernick threw him two passes; the actual leader caught three). That recognition makes him the only player in the NFL to receive the honor in each of the past three seasons (and those 22nd and 23rd interceptions stretched his lead since entering the league to 8).

RS25 has been frustratingly (to his haters) just fine.

But there is another, far more serious, curse the Seahawks have had to contend with in 2014: the Curse of the Bieber. As has been established on this very blog, Russell Wilson does not always make the wisest of wise decisions, and so in early May he failed to extricate himself (or those poor, doomed children) from an obviously dangerous situation:

Obvious even before we learned you can contract Ebola from bowling. You see, Justin Bieber has been bad news for sports teams (and for Justin Bieber) (and for everybody) for some time now:

Yet Russell has somehow managed to overcome the curse of Bieber. By the end of Seattle’s Thanksgiving romp over San Francisco, Wilson had run for more yards (679) this season than any quarterback in the NFL, and also passed for 2,466 yards in leading the Seahawks to their 8-4 record. Earlier this season, Wilson became the first player in NFL history to pass for 300 yards and run for another 100 in the same game. If Russell rushes for 100 yards in one of his remaining four games, he will set the post-merger record for such performances in a season (he is currently tied with Michael Vick, at 3).

All this begs the obvious question: To what does Russell owe his immunity to curse? (Aside from his famous ability to escape near-certain death in almost any dangerous situation?)

Well, you may recall that I have previously established that Russell Wilson is Harry Potter. You may further note that all the predictions contained in that post have since come to pass: Wilson was named a team captain in 2013, he led his team to the Superbowl in his second season, the Seahawks continue to find new and exciting ways to defeat San Franslytherin.*

You may also recall that thanks to his mother’s sacrifice, Harry Potter became immune to curses cast by Voldemort. I’m still not sure how to fit the role of mother into my story, but I think Wilson’s immunity to curses cast by Bieber makes another casting call pretty clear-cut: behold, Justin Voldemort.

Now if only we could take the whole “He who shall not be named” thing a tad more seriously, that’d be great.


*OK, nevermind on new — turns out, they just wait for Kaepernick to throw at Sherman.

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